How many great golf jokes are there?
Great Golf Jokes are the “material” for our One-Man Acts on the Golf Course and at the 19th Hole - and we can all use more of that!! So in that spirit, we offer the 124 Great Jokes to be found in the table below.
What is the most interesting thing you learned about golf?
An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play; it is always possible to get worse. Golf's a hard game to figure. One day you'll go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and for no reason at all you really stink.
What golf course does the devil say to the golfer?
"This way, sir," says the devil, "the finest tournament-quality 18 holes you are likely to find this side of Augusta, Georgia." The golfer looks around and agrees that it is the finest course he has ever seen and decides he'd rather spend eternity there than in heaven, so he signs up for the full package.
What are some golf sayings?
19 Different Golf Sayings For Good LuckGood Luck.Enjoy The 19th Hole.Hit 'Em Long And Straight.May The Fores Be With You.Play Well.Swing Easy.Only Birdies.Have A Great Round.More items...•
How do you compliment a golfer?
The right way to praise your golf-loving kids And the good news is that in golf that's actually pretty easy. “You're such a fantastic putter!” becomes “You work so hard on reading greens.” “You always hit your driver so well!” becomes “It's interesting that you took two practice swings before that drive.”
What do men talk about on the golf course?
Well, golf provides a litany of topics much broader than some may think. Topics include course conditions, weather, equipment, handicap system anomalies, and swing critiques; among many others. There may also be a discussion of the latest PGA results, rules changes, or possibly course history and architecture.
How do you play golf in the dark?
Playing Golf At Night: What You Need to Know. Since most venues don't offer true “night golf” under the lights, you will likely have to play with glow golf balls. These balls are UV powered golf balls that use UV light to let your ball glow in the dark.
What does yelling fore mean in golf?
Golfers yell fore to alert other golfers that they may be in danger of getting struck by their ball. You should always yell fore if you're unsure where your ball will land, and it is at risk of hitting a golfer. The term fore likely originated from the term forecaddie, although the exact history is unknown.
What do you call someone who loves golf?
Noun. 1. golfer - someone who plays the game of golf. golf player, linksman. driver - a golfer who hits the golf ball with a driver.
Why do you play 18 holes of golf?
Andrews formalized the rules and stated, “One round of the Links, or 18 holes is reckoned a match, unless otherwise stipulated.” Legend has it that the reason for 18 holes is that a bottle of whiskey contained the same number of shots as holes on a course, thus providing just enough drink for a shot on each hole.
Why is golf called golf?
The word 'golf' is not an acronym for anything. Rather, it derives linguistically from the Dutch word 'kolf' or 'kolve,' meaning quite simply 'club. ' In the Scottish dialect of the late 14th or early 15th century, the Dutch term became 'goff' or 'gouff,' and only later in the 16th century 'golf.
What should you not do on a golf course?
The 35 rudest things you should never do on the golf course'Driving the cart ahead of the group' ... 'Taking calls on the course' ... 'Order way too many drinks' ... 'Get mad about their game' ... 'Standing over the ball too long' ... 'Talk too much' ... 'Drives their cart too close to your ball' ... 'Unsolicited swing advice'More items...•
What is Glowball golf?
Glowball / Night Golf has become a leading activity in the Valley of the Sun but at Augusta Ranch, it represents a community, a golf course and an evening of socializing all complimented by playing a unique golf game at night. See below for new schedule and signup procedure. All signups for Glowball must be prepaid.
Is night golf a thing?
Yes, night golf is real, and it's tons of fun. It's not exactly the same as going a full eighteen holes on a Sunday afternoon; it's a different experience, but it will still scratch that itch you have to play golf as much as possible.
What is Glow ball golf?
1:493:11Glow Ball at Naperbrook; Lighting Up the Night Sky - YouTubeYouTubeStart of suggested clipEnd of suggested clipAnd every golfer has a flashing glow light with their bright golf balls streaking down the fairway.MoreAnd every golfer has a flashing glow light with their bright golf balls streaking down the fairway. The global scramble is the latest reason for the wolf's to make a trip to the course.
Why did Jim Bob show up at his golf club?
Jim-Bob showed up at his golf club one day to discover that the club had begun a program using seniors as caddies. One day a week, the club replaced all its regular caddies with senior citizens.
Where does Bud the golfer drift?
Bud the golfer sets off on a round-the-world trip in his new boat, but he winds up veering off course and gets lost. He drifts onto a deserted island, where he is stranded, all alone.
How many holes does Debra play golf?
In fact, Ray has been teaching Debra to play, and this is going to be her first full 18 holes of golf .
What was James and Tom playing?
James and his friend Tom were playing a round of golf with their wives early on a Sunday. It was a four ball, better ball format with a little bit of cash on the line.
Where are Miguel and Wesley playing golf?
Miguel and Wesley are playing golf at their favorite course, but on every hole they are being held up by a twosome of women who are always half a hole ahead.
Did the Pope ever hold a golf club?
The Pope thought it was a good idea, but he had never held a golf club in his life. "Have we not," he asked, "a cardinal who can represent me against the leader of Israel?"
Did the golfer ever use a new ball on a hole?
It was something the golfer had tried hundreds of times without success. His ball had always fallen short, into the water. Because of this, he never used a new ball on this particular hole. He always picked out one that had a cut or a nick, as did many other "average" golfers when negotiating very challenging holes.
What does the golfer say about distracting?
Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time It's distracting!"
How many miles does a golfer walk a year?
A recent study found the average golfer walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means, on average, golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon. Kind of makes you proud - Almost feels like a hybrid.
What does Dick say to his friends?
Dick brings a friend to play golf with two of his regular golf buddies. His buddies ask him if his new friend can play golf and Dick replies - "He's very good". The new guy hits his first tee shot into the bush, so his buddies look at Dick and say - "You said your friend was a good golfer!".
What time did the Three Hour Gang play gin?
The same foursome played every day at ten o'clock. They were known as the three-hour gang, always finished by 1pm so they could play gin all afternoon.
How many holes does it take to polish off a fifth of Scotch?
During a discussion among the membership board at St. Andrews Golf Club in 1858, one of the members pointed out that it takes exactly 18 holes to polish off a fifth of Scotch. By limiting himself to only one shot of Scotch per hole, the Scot figured a round of golf was finished when the Scotch ran out . . .
How many holes do Nick and Lou play?
Nick and Lou head out for a quick round of golf. Since they are short on time, they decide to play only 9 holes. Nick says to Lou, "Let's say we make the time worth the while, at least for one of us, and spot $5 on the lowest score for the day.". Lou agrees and they enjoy a great game.
What is golf called?
Return to The Golf Jokes Table. It's Called Golf. In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft ; today, in civilized society, it is called golf. The man who takes up golf to get his mind off his work soon takes up work to get his mind off golf.
Who were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers?
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
Who said "I came in second, your holiness"?
The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match. “I came in second, your Holiness,” said Nicklaus.
Did the old man hit the ball far?
To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn’t hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn’t waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball – and directly between his ball and the green.
How many riders did the first golfer have today?
The first golfer said: "Yes, I had three riders today."
How many holes does Lee and Gary play?
Lee and Gary head out to the golf course for a quick nine holes. On the first tee, Lee turns to Gary and says, "What do you say we make this time worth something. Play you for five bucks?" Gary agrees, and they start their rounds.
What does Lee say to his friend?
Lee looks at his friend with great disappointment. "After all the years we've been friends," Lee says, "you'd cheat me at golf for a measly five bucks?"
What is Miguel and Wesley playing golf at?
Miguel and Wesley are playing golf at their favorite course, but on every hole they are being held up by a two-ball of women who are always half a hole ahead. The women are great golfers, but they are playing terribly slow.
What does "rider" mean in golf?
The pro said: "A rider is when you hit the ball far enough to actually get in the golf cart and ride to it."
What was James and Tom playing?
James and his friend Tom were playing a round of golf with their wives early on a Sunday. It was a four ball, better ball format with a little bit of cash on the line.
What does a new woman say when she hears the guys talking about their golf round?
A new woman joins their Club. When she hears the guys talking about their golf round, she says, "I played on my college's golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join ...
Where was a man playing golf when a wayward shot landed in the woods?
A man was playing golf in Ireland one day, when a wayward shot landed in the woods.
What is a deaf mute golfer?
A deaf-mute goes golfing. ...at a country club (it's Sunday, and open to the public) and is having a pretty good game. So good, in fact, that he ends up having to wait on a member playing ahead of him. He politely waits on the slow golfer, but eventually gets fed up with the delay.
What does the boy ask when he sees him awake?
Gently shaking him awake, he asks "Are you ok?"
What is the secret to playing golf?
39. The secret of playing good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight, and not too often!
What to do if you golf on election day?
18. If you golf on an election day, make sure to cast an absent-tee-ballot.
Why do golfers prefer a cart over a caddy?
42. Many golfers prefer a cart instead of a caddy because a cart cannot count, criticize, or laugh!
What causes more cheating than golf?
6. The only thing that causes more cheating than golf is income taxes.
Where does a golfer hit his ball?
A golfer hits his ball into a yard next to the golf course. A golfer hits his ball into a yard next to the golf course.
What did Peter say to the three men riding a golf cart?
When they got to the gates of heaven, Peter said: "I have to ask you all a question before you go in. "
What happened to a golf cart that rolled over on him?
A man lost an arm when his golf cart rolled over on him on a downward slope. He became very depressed because he loved to play golf so one day in his despair, he decided to commit suicide and end it all.
What hole does the tiger drive on?
He nails the drive on the 6th hole. He’s so excited and proud of himself that he guns his golf cart full speed ahead to get to the putting green.
What is a deaf mute golfer?
A deaf-mute goes golfing. ...at a country club (it's Sunday, and open to the public) and is having a pretty good game. So good, in fact, that he ends up having to wait on a member playing ahead of him. He politely waits on the slow golfer, but eventually gets fed up with the delay.
What happened to Moses and Jesus playing golf?
Moses smacks the ball over the water, and raises his staff. Suddenly, the waters part and his ball rolls to the green. Then, Jesus hits the ball toward the water.
How did a man lose his arm?
A man lost an arm when his golf cart rolled over on him on a downward slope. He became very depressed because he loved to play golf so one day in his despair, he decided to commit suicide and end it all. He got on an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off. He was st ... upvote downvote report.
