Funnies are terms used during a game of golf to describe various achievements, both positive and negative. They are different from traditional expressions such a birdie, eagle, etc. in that they do not necessarily refer to strict scores, but to unusual events which may happen in the course of a game.
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What are some of the best golf jokes?
A “gimme” is probably best defined as an agreement between two golfers, neither of whom can putt very well. 8. Golf is a game invented by God to punish people who retire early. 9. “Golf is a good walk spoiled” – Mark Twain If you've got some time to kill between shots, or if you're waiting on the tee, a longer joke is perfect.
When do golfers tell you what to do wrong?
A: When your golf cart capsizes. If you golf on election day, be sure to cast an absent-tee ballot. The higher a golfer's handicap, the more likely he is to try to tell you what you're doing wrong. Why do golfers hate cake?
What do you need to know about golf?
If you golf on an election day, make sure to cast an absent-tee-ballot. 19. Golf balls are like eggs. They’re white, sold by the dozen, and after a week you need to buy some more! 20. Are you a scratch golfer? I sure am. Every time I hit the ball I scratch my head and wonder where the heck it went. 21. Why is golf called golf?
Are there any one-liners in the golf jokes section?
That means that we have one-liners, two-liners and even a few three-liners. But mostly, it means the jokes here are of the short variety. (Longer jokes and story-style jokes can be found on our Golf Jokes section, and you can also check out a collection of Tiger Woods jokes .) Ready to Yuk It Up? On to the Golf Puns and One-Liners
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Whats a ferret in golf?
Ferret: The holing of a ball from off the green for a par or better or, in some alternative versions, when the player's score is still relevant to the outcome of that hole. Holing with a putter may be excluded. Golden Ferret: The holing of a ball directly from a bunker.
How do you compliment a golfer?
The right way to praise your golf-loving kids And the good news is that in golf that's actually pretty easy. “You're such a fantastic putter!” becomes “You work so hard on reading greens.” “You always hit your driver so well!” becomes “It's interesting that you took two practice swings before that drive.”
Who invented golf?
Charles Blair MacDonald, who attended St. Andrews University and learned the game at the St. Andrews Golf Links, is considered the father of American golf course architects. In 1893, MacDonald built the Chicago Golf Club, which was the country's first 18-hole course.
How do you say good luck in golf?
Have A Great Round. A round means playing all 18 holes on a golf course. Telling someone to have a great round is just another way of offering a golfer good luck by telling them you hope they play well.
What do you call a person who loves golf?
A golfer is a person who plays golf for pleasure or as a profession.
What does golf stand for?
The word 'golf' is not an acronym for anything. Rather, it derives linguistically from the Dutch word 'kolf' or 'kolve,' meaning quite simply 'club.
Why does golf have 18 holes?
Andrews formalized the rules and stated, “One round of the Links, or 18 holes is reckoned a match, unless otherwise stipulated.” Legend has it that the reason for 18 holes is that a bottle of whiskey contained the same number of shots as holes on a course, thus providing just enough drink for a shot on each hole.
Why are golf shots named after birds?
Used to score one under par. It began to be used in 1899 in New Jersey. It turns out that on one game day, three golfers were playing when one of them, on his second stroke, hit a bird in flight with the ball and it landed very, very close to the hole. The teammates said it was a stroke of luck for a 'birdie'.
What do you say to golfers?
How to Wish a Golfer Good Luck (11 Ways)“Good Luck” It may seem simple, but it absolutely works as a way to wish a golfer the best. ... “Hit 'Em Straight” ... “Play Well” ... “Have a Good Round” ... “Keep It in the Fairway” ... “Have a Good Game” ... “Enjoy Your Round” ... “Fairways and Greens”More items...
What is snowman in golf?
In golf, a snowman is something you very much want to avoid. That's because "snowman" is a slang term golfers use for a score of eight on any individual hole. Use eight strokes to play a hole and, sorry bud, you just made a "snowman." A golf snowman won't melt anything but your scorecard.
How many percent of the time can you hit a 2 acre fairway?
You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10-percent of the time, but hit a 2-inch branch 90-percent of the time. Golf is a game where the ball lies poorly and the golfers lie well. Two longtime golf buddies were standing on a tee box overlooking a river, getting ready to hit their tee shots. One golfer pointed down the river, ...
What is the game where you yell "fore" and write down "five"?
Golf is a game in which you yell "fore," you score a six, and you write down "five."
What type of golf game did the fur traders play in the old days?
What type of golf game did the fur traders play in the old days? A skins match .
What is the problem with golf?
The only problem with golf is that the slow groups are always in front of you and the fast groups are always behind you.
What does "I'm not a bad putter" mean?
A: You're standing too close to the ball ... after you hit it. I'm not a bad putter, I just can't catch a break. My golf game is so bad I had to have my ball retriever regripped. Wife: I'm sick and tired of your obsession with golf!
What does it mean when your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven?
If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, it means he probably shot an eight.
Why is the game called "golf"?
Q: Why is the game called "golf"? A: Because all the other 4-letter words were already taken.
What do golfers love more than golf?
The only thing golfers love more than golf is some funny golf jokes. These un-fore-gettable puns, one-liners, and jokes will have you rolling on the green between putts and can ease the pain of a bad round. The best part is if no one laughs at your golf pun, you can call a mulligan and try the next one on the list!
Why do golfers prefer a golf cart to a caddy?
Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize, or laugh. 59. Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind. Giphy.
Why do they tee off with imaginary balls?
They soon learn that they both have the same doctor who has prescribed a game of golf using an imaginary golf ball to reduce stress. And so they tee off with their imaginary balls. After a day of splitting fairways and hitting nothing less than eagles, birdies, and pars, they reach the 18th hole.
What does golf teach kids?
Golf is about much more than hitting a hole in one. It teaches honesty, how to go with the flow, focus, problem-solving, and patience. You can also do a lot with a polo shirt and khaki pants. Plus, how many sports give you the freedom to traverse a field filled with greenery and beautiful ponds. If you’re trying to get your kids to fall in love with golfing, telling them these jokes might do the trick. Golfing may not be filled with as much contact as rugby or hockey, but this solo game can be just as exciting and hilarious.
What to do if you golf on election day?
16. If you golf on election day, make sure to cast an absent-tee-ballot.
What is the secret of good golf?
55. The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight, and not too often.
What do black bear droppings smell like?
Grizzly bear droppings have small bells, golf-gloves, sunglasses, and other similar golf items in them and they usually smell like pepper spray. 34.
Why do golfers prefer a cart over a caddy?
42. Many golfers prefer a cart instead of a caddy because a cart cannot count, criticize, or laugh!
What to do if you golf on election day?
18. If you golf on an election day, make sure to cast an absent-tee-ballot.
How to fight life's problems?
One way to fight against life’s problems is to learn how to laugh in the midst of them. Lots of studies show the health benefits of laughter. These golf puns and one-liners will putt a smile on your face (see what we did there?!)
What is the secret to playing golf?
39. The secret of playing good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight, and not too often!
What causes more cheating than golf?
6. The only thing that causes more cheating than golf is income taxes.
Is that dwarf good at chipping?
32. Man, that dwarf is good at putting and chipping. His short game is at a different level!
How many percent of the time can you hit a 2 acre fairway?
You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10-percent of the time, but hit a 2-inch branch 90-percent of the time. Golf is a game where the ball lies poorly and the golfers lie well. Two longtime golf buddies were standing on a tee box overlooking a river, getting ready to hit their tee shots.
What is the game where you yell fore and write down five?
Golf is a game in which you yell “fore,” you score a six, and you write down “five.”
What is the best sport to play when you're too out of shape to play softball?
Golf is what you play when you’re too out of shape to play softball.
What type of golf game did the fur traders play in the old days?
What type of golf game did the fur traders play in the old days? A skins match.
What are golf balls like?
Golf balls are like eggs. They’re white, they are sold by the dozen, and a week later you have to buy more. Golfer: I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course. Caddie: Try heaven. You’ve already moved most of the earth. Golfer: This is the worst golf course I’ve ever played on!
What does "in the mood for a laugh" mean?
In the mood for a laugh? Here is a collection of golf puns, one-liners and other short funnies. What does that mean? That means that we have one-liners, two-liners and even a few three-liners. But mostly, it means the jokes here are of the short variety.
What does it mean when your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven?
If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, it means he probably shot an eight.
What is a flusher putt?
Flusher: A putt that circles the entire cup, then goes in. You might need to wipe after that one. Flyer: A golf shot that literally flies too far. Usually the result of catching a “flyer lie,” when grass gets trapped between the clubface and ball at impact, impeding the grooves on your club to spin the ball.
What is the most violent shank?
Hosel Rocket: The most violent of shanks where a player hits the golf ball off the hosel (the rounded base of the shaft) instead of the clubface, and it flies off in an unpredictable, and often disastrous, direction.
What does "chippie" mean in golf?
Chippie: Chipping in from around the green. Chunk: Hitting the ground very hard thus taking a big honking divot out of the turf. Sometimes the divot, or the player’s club, goes further than the ball. Another way to say you hit a golf shot fat.
What does "sandbagger" mean in golf?
Sandbagger: Refers to a golfer who is better than his or her handicap would suggest. Beware of thieves.
What is a Platypus in golf?
Platypus: Hitting a ball out of bounds and still making par. Platypuses aren’t normal and neither is making par after hitting one O.B. Pinseeker: When your golf shot never leaves the pin. Press: When a golfer chooses to open a new bet if they are down two or more holes on a current bet.
What is a mud ball?
Mud Ball: A devilish situation where mud has caked itself onto your golf ball making it nearly impossible to tell which direction it will go.
What is a knockdown in golf?
Knockdown: A golf shot with a lower ball flight, usually played to keep it out of the wind.
What does a good putter know?
A good putter knows when to play the break and when to hit it firm and straight.
What happens if you miss by an inch?
If you miss by an inch, you miss by a mile, putting is a game of very small margins.
Is backdoor better than lip out?
No matter how hard we try, not every putt will roll in the middle of the cup, and the backdoor is a much better alternative than a lip-out.
Is distance off the tee a bonus?
Distance off the tee is a real bonus, but only if you know how to handle it.
Is it good to test drivers?
Testing drivers can be good fun, but getting your shaft flex right is crucial. We recommend a custom fitting to find your best combination.
Is golf hard on the body?
Golf can be tough on the body. We recommend using a trolley.
Is a long shaft hard to control?
A long shaft is often very hard to control, and if you're struggling for accuracy, it may be worth considering chopping some of yours off.
