What is your best golf story/joke?
My best joke. Moses, Jesus, and a very old man are starting their day of golf at the first tee off. Moses steps up to the tee, plants his stance, firms up, and smokes a drive that curves right towards a pond. Moses waives his club in the air, the pond immediately parts, the golf ball bounces in and out of the ... A golfer goes out for a beer...
What did Jesus do with the golf ball?
Jesus hit the ball into the water. He parted the water, walked out and got the ball, smoothed out the water and teed up again. Moses said, “I told you that was not enough club; you need at least a 4 wood.” Jesus said, “This will be fine — remember what I said about Arnold Palmer.”
What question Does the golf ball ask the tennis ball?
As a tennis ball falls off a table, a golf ball shouts a question, "Are you going to be ok?" The tennis ball replies, "Of course. I'll bounce back."
What is the story about the man with the golf balls?
A man with his pants pockets full of golf balls gets on a bus... A man with his pants pockets full of golf balls gets on a bus and sits next to a blonde woman. The blonde woman notices his pants are bulging near his crotch area and keeps looking down towards his crotch.
What are some golf sayings?
19 Different Golf Sayings For Good LuckGood Luck.Enjoy The 19th Hole.Hit 'Em Long And Straight.May The Fores Be With You.Play Well.Swing Easy.Only Birdies.Have A Great Round.More items...•
What do you call the thing you play golf with?
Golf Clubs A golf club is a metal club used to hit the golf ball. A golf club contains a grip and a shaft that attaches to the club head. Golfers are allowed to have up to 14 golf clubs in their bag during play.
What do men talk about on the golf course?
Well, golf provides a litany of topics much broader than some may think. Topics include course conditions, weather, equipment, handicap system anomalies, and swing critiques; among many others. There may also be a discussion of the latest PGA results, rules changes, or possibly course history and architecture.
How do you play golf in the dark?
Playing Golf At Night: What You Need to Know. Since most venues don't offer true “night golf” under the lights, you will likely have to play with glow golf balls. These balls are UV powered golf balls that use UV light to let your ball glow in the dark.
Why are golf shots named after birds?
Used to score one under par. It began to be used in 1899 in New Jersey. It turns out that on one game day, three golfers were playing when one of them, on his second stroke, hit a bird in flight with the ball and it landed very, very close to the hole. The teammates said it was a stroke of luck for a 'birdie'.
What is a golf bat called?
A golf club is a club used to hit a golf ball in a game of golf. Each club is composed of a shaft with a grip and a club head.
What should you not do while golfing?
9 Things to Avoid on the Golf CourseDon't Show Up Late. ... Don't Flip Out After Every Shot. ... Don't Step on Someone Else's Line. ... Don't Hit the Ball into the Group Ahead of You. ... Don't Leave Too Many Balls on The Practice Green. ... Don't Give Unwanted Golf Advice. ... Don't Stay Glued to Your Phone. ... Don't Play from the Championship Tee Box.More items...
What should you not do while playing golf?
The 35 rudest things you should never do on the golf course'Driving the cart ahead of the group' ... 'Taking calls on the course' ... 'Order way too many drinks' ... 'Get mad about their game' ... 'Standing over the ball too long' ... 'Talk too much' ... 'Drives their cart too close to your ball' ... 'Unsolicited swing advice'More items...•
What is bad golf etiquette?
Making *every* putt 2. Saying “get left” when the ball is clearly slicing 3. Not picking up on bad holes 4. Taking many practice swings … only to top the ball 10 feet 5. Talking too much 6.
What is Glowball golf?
GlowVibe Glowball Unlike the other glow golf balls, the GlowVibe Ball goes just a far as a regular golf ball and with the set up of the lights on the course and around the greens you this is truly a “one of a kind” experience and you owe it to your golfing self to try it at least once.
What is Glow ball golf?
1:493:11Glow Ball at Naperbrook; Lighting Up the Night Sky - YouTubeYouTubeStart of suggested clipEnd of suggested clipAnd every golfer has a flashing glow light with their bright golf balls streaking down the fairway.MoreAnd every golfer has a flashing glow light with their bright golf balls streaking down the fairway. The global scramble is the latest reason for the wolf's to make a trip to the course.
How do you play glow ball?
0:013:25Light up Glowing Blue Bounce Ball Unboxing and Review Tickets To ...YouTubeStart of suggested clipEnd of suggested clipIt lasts for hours and it's for ages 3 and up. So to activate the lights you bounce or throw theMoreIt lasts for hours and it's for ages 3 and up. So to activate the lights you bounce or throw the ball. So basically it's like a glow stick and the ball will go for up to four. Hours.
How many times did a golfer try to hit a golf ball over the inlet of water between him and
A golfer tried three straight times to hit a golf ball over the inlet of water between him and the green. But each time the ball splashes into the drink. In utter frustration the golfer said, “Caddie, take my clubs on in, I’m going to jump into the water and drown myself.”. The caddie replied, “I doubt that, sir.
Do golfers carry pepper spray?
They also advise golfers to carry pepper spray in the case of an encounter with a bear. They say that it’s also a good idea to watch for signs of bear activity on the courses. They recommend that golfers be educated so that they can recognize the difference between Black bear and Grizzly bear droppings.
What happens if you hit a golf ball in the rough?
Golfer 1: "This ball is amazing...If you hit it into the rough it flashes and glows so you can see it! If you hit it out of bounds it beeps so you can find it! If you hit it in the water it floats and drives itself back to land so you don't lose it!"
What happens if a ball goes in the rough?
If it goes in the rough, it makes a beeping sound. It glows in the dark so you can find it when its getting dark. If it goes in the water, it will float and make its way back to the shore."
What does a golfer do after a round of golf?
A golfer goes out for a beer... After a round of golf, a golfer loads his trunk up with his clubs but puts his extra tees and balls in his pockets. He goes into the clubhouse for a beer. He sits down next to a blond woman at the bar. She sees the bulging pants of the golfer and barely stops herself from gasping.
How did Moses and Jesus play golf?
Moses and Jesus are playing golf. Moses steps up to the tee and hits a beautiful shot 250 yards straight down the middle of the fairway. Jesus steps up to the tee and hooks the ball into the trees. Jesus looks up into the heavens, raises his arms, and suddenly the sky darkens.
What does the Rabbi say to the priest when he is out golfing?
He smiles, then tells the Rabbi it's his turn. The Rabbi takes his shot, and completely missed the golf ball. The Rabbi then shouts, "Shit, I missed!".
What did Dave hit his ball in?
Golf Balls and Buttercups. Towards the end of a round of golf, Dave hit his ball into the woods. and found it in a patch of pretty, yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every. buttercup in the patch.
How does Jesus start the game?
Jesus starts the game. He hits the ball as hard as he can and it heads straight towards the lake. However , instead of sinking, the ball rolls on the surface of the water. Jesus walks on the lake, hits the ball, and gets it into the hole.
Dirty Golf Jokes
Are you looking for some funny jokes? Spice things up with these dirty golf jokes. Make your partner smile with these adult golf jokes. That I am sure of will make your day full of joy!
Short Golf Jokes
Playing golf is fun and exciting, but these Short Golf Jokes will make your game enjoyable. So what are you waiting for? Check it out now!
Funny Golfer Jokes
Whether you are watching or playing golf, everyone loves a good golf joke that’s why we’ve rounded up these Funny Golfer Jokes that you and your friends can laugh about!
Knock Knock Golf Jokes
Sometimes a good joke can lighten up the mood. Well, I bet that these Knock Knock Golf Jokes can knock you up in the ground laughing!
Extra: Golf Jokes for Seniors
A lot of Seniors love playing golf and also, they love jokes. Therefore we’ve combined it together and compiled these hilarious Golf Jokes for Seniors that I’m sure you’ll like.
What is the difference between sex and golf?
In golf, less strokes is enough to win. I could actually use some help refining the punchline on this one if anyone has some ideas.
A husband gets home after playing golf....
And his wife asks how it went to which he replies "It went very well, except when I hit that goose on the 8th hole" The wife then replies "How many strokes is a goose?"
As far as I know original golf joke
So what does a bogey have in common with a dead golfer? One too many strokes.
Life is like golf
You can explore golf stroke birdie reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean golf stroke minigolf dad jokes. There are also golf stroke puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I'd love it if my friend could have multiple strokes
Playing against his constant hole-in-one shots makes me want to quit golf.
Etiquette for golf is that it is not the done thing to argue about the score on a course
But here were three members screaming at one another and play had stopped. The club official was called. "What's the problem here?", he demanded. "Well" said one player, "my partners had a stroke, and these two bastards want to add it to my score."
Here is an actual sign posted in a golf club
1. Back straight, knees bent. 2. Feet shoulder width apart. 3. Form a loose grip. 4. Keep your head down! 5. Stay out of the water. 6. Try not to hit anyone. 7. If you are taking too long, let others go ahead of you. 8. Don't stand directly in front of others. 9. Quiet please while others are preparing. 10. Don't take extra strokes. Well done.
What does it mean when a man has an interest in painters and their works has a child?
A man who has an interest in painters and their works has a child. A boy, who grows to have his father's passion for art. One day when the boy is coming of age they have a big argument and the young man leaves his father's house to go out on his own.
What does Jeff say to Bubba?
Bubba and Jeff are taking a walk through the brush sipping their Lone Stars. Jeff says "Hey Bubba, I got a take a leak", and he does. A rattlesnake pops up and bites Jeff on his member .... OUCH!
What did Lucifer say to Lucifer?
But he lacked the skills. So the Devil came to him and said "I will make you a world class painter, you'll be rich and famous. In exchange, I want your soul." The painter agreed, and Lucifer snapped his fingers. A set of brushes appeared, which Satan quickly possessed. After being possessed by Satan ...
What did Little Johnny say to his teacher?
She pointed to the private part of a male and asked her class if anyone knew what it was. Little Johnny raised his hand: "I do, I do! and my daddy has two of them!". Teacher was puzzled.
What did Johnny say to his class?
During class, the teacher wanted the students to say something interesting about their family.#N#Johnny decided to go first and said: '' My father has two penises ''. The teacher knew that was impossible and asked Johnny to elaborate.#N#Johnny then said: '' He has a small one he uses to pee and a large one he uses to brush mommy's mouth with! ''
What prize did Olie win in the neighborhood dance?
The Door Prize. Olie went to the neighborhood dance, and he won the big door prize. It was a toilet brush. So he took it home. A few days later some friends of Olie asked him "Hey Olie how is that toilet brush working out for ya.". Olie said "Oh it works real good but I prefer toilet paper.".
Is the Brush Crest joke offensive?
Many of the brush crest jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.