Who is the actor in the golf ball game?
Stuart (Chris Elliott) takes his job very seriously--retrieving golf balls at a driving range. One day his comedic antics push the boss too far and Stuart is forced to look for other work. ... See full summary »
What does the golfer mumble to himself after he sinks the putt?
Thinking the man is crazy and his answer will be meaningless, the golfer also feels that maybe this is a good omen so he says, "Sure," and sinks the putt. Two holes later, he mumbles to himself again, "Gee, I sure would like to get an eagle on this one."
What does the stranger say to the golfer on the final hole?
On the final hole, the golfer needs another eagle to win. Without waiting for him to say anything, the stranger quickly moves to his side and says, "Would winning this match be worth giving up the rest of your sex life?" "Definitely," the golfer replies, and he makes the eagle.
What kind of golfer was Bob?
Bob was a religious golfer. Every Sunday morning, he headed to the golf course. It didn't matter what the weather was like. It could be raining and cold, but Bob didn't care.
A Baptist, a Catholic, and a Mormon are in the maternity ward
The Baptist says, “One more son and I have a basketball team.” The Catholic says, “That’s nothing, one more kid and I have a baseball team.” The Mormon guy says, “That’s nothing, one more wife and I have a golf course.”
A Catholic, a Baptist and a Mormon are bragging about the size of their families
"I have four boys and my wife is expecting another," says the Catholic. "One more son, and I'll have a basketball team," "That's nothing," says the Baptist. "I have 10 boys now, and my wife is pregnant with another child. One more son, and I'll have a football team." "That's nothing," says the Mormon. "I have 17 wives.
Dave and John are playing a round of golf..
Dave is lining up his put on the 8th green when they hear a car coming along the road that runs parallel to the course. Upon seeing a hearse, Dave stands away from his ball, takes his cap off and bows his head until it passes. "That was very decent of you Dave." "Yea, she was a good wife."
Wife's at the door
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. Tie me up, she purred, and you can do anything you want. So he tied her up and went golfing.
If I die..
If I were to die first, would you remarry?" the wife asks. "Well," says the husband, "I'm in good health, so why not?" "Would she live in my house?" "It's all paid up, so yes." "Would she drive my car?" "It's new, so yes." "Would she use my golf clubs?" "No. She's left-handed."
We had a outage at my place this morning..
We had a outage at my place this morning and my PC, laptop, TV, DVD, iPad & my new surround sound music system were all shut down. Then I discovered that my iPhone battery was flat and to top it off it was raining outside, so I couldn't play golf. I went into the kitchen to make coffee and then I remembered that this also needs power, so I talked with my wife for a few hours. She seems like a nice person..
Small World
A lawyer and a doctor are golfing. There are two women ahead of them that are playing really slow, so the lawyer decides to ask them if they can play through. While driving up to them, he realizes the two women are his wife and mistress! He turns around without saying anything and tells the doctor the situation.
What did the golfer say to his caddy?
A very angry golfer was on his way to carding a round of 150. He turned to his caddy and said', You must be the worst caddy in the world.' 'That would be too much of a coincidence, sir', answered the caddy in a quiet voice.
How did Will and Guy learn to play golf?
He learned to play golf by mirroring his father's golf swing, and he has used left handed golf clubs ever since. The chances of making two holes-in-one in a round of golf are one in 67 million. The youngest golfer to shoot a hole-in-one, known to Will and Guy, was Coby Orr, who was five years old at the time.
What is the oldest golf club in the world?
Not even God can hit a 1-iron: Lee Trevino. The oldest golf club in the world is St Andrews, Scotland, which was founded in 1552. See more great golf one liners.
What are golf balls made of?
Golf balls were originally made of wood. Later, they were made from boiled feathers stuffed into stitched leather known as "featheries". The modern, and cheaper, golf ball filled with gutta-percha was not developed till 1848. There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.
Why was golf banned in Scotland?
Golf was banned in Scotland from 1457 to 1502 to ensure citizens wouldn't waste time when preparing for an English invasion. 80% of all golfers will never achieve a handicap of less than 18. Golfers use an estimated $800 USD million worth of golf balls annually.
How many dimples are there in a golf ball?
There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball. Balls travel significantly further on hot days. A golfer swinging a club at around 100 mph will carry the driver up to eight yards longer for each increase in air temperature of 25°F. Approximately 20 million golf balls are lost in water hazards in the UK each year.
Where is the American golfer vacationing?
An American citizen is vacationing on his own in Ireland. He decides to play a round and is paired with three locals. He takes a few practice swings, steps up to the 1st tee, and proceeds to hook the ball out of bounds. He shakes his head, reaches in his pocket, and re-tees another ball.
How often do retired men play golf?
Four retired men play golf together once a week for many years. One day a funeral procession drives by the course. One man says to the others: “Stop and remove your hats, gentlemen. Show some respect.”
Why did Jim Bob show up at his golf club?
Jim-Bob showed up at his golf club one day to discover that the club had begun a program using seniors as caddies. One day a week, the club replaced all its regular caddies with senior citizens.
How many holes does Debra play golf?
In fact, Ray has been teaching Debra to play, and this is going to be her first full 18 holes of golf .
What was James and Tom playing?
James and his friend Tom were playing a round of golf with their wives early on a Sunday. It was a four ball, better ball format with a little bit of cash on the line.
What is the 17th hole of Sawgrass?
The Water Ball. A golfer, now into his golden years, had a lifelong ambition to play the 17th hole at TPC Sawgrass exactly the way the pros do it. The pros drive the ball out over the water onto the small green that is on a small spit of land. It was something the golfer had tried hundreds of times without success.
Who started off the first tee of the fancy resort course?
Bill and his assigned caddie started off the first tee of the fancy resort course Bill was playing. It was his first time using a caddie, and he was excited.
Where are Miguel and Wesley playing golf?
Miguel and Wesley are playing golf at their favorite course, but on every hole they are being held up by a twosome of women who are always half a hole ahead.
Where does Bud the golfer drift?
Bud the golfer sets off on a round-the-world trip in his new boat, but he winds up veering off course and gets lost. He drifts onto a deserted island, where he is stranded, all alone.
What happened to the drunk in the club bar?
An argumentative drunk had been looking for a fight all afternoon in the club bar after losing his match, finally aiming a punch at the man next to him. The man ducked and the drunk, losing balance, fell off his stool on to the floor. By the time he’d dusted himself down and picked himself up, his opponent had departed.
What does the groom say to his wife?
As a couple approaches the altar, the groom tells his wife-to-be, “Honey, I’ve got something to confess: I’m a golf nut, and every chance I get, I’ll be playing golf!”
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Woman goes to the Doctor. He asks, "What's the problem?" She says, "I got stung by a Bee on the Golf Course." He says, "Where did you get stung?" She says, "Between the First and Second hole." He says, "Aah, your stance is too wide."
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Bob Is sitting in the clubhouse with an ice pack on his throat, Ron walks over and asked what happened. Bob said in a hoarse voice it happened when i was golfing.
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Joe was getting on in years and his eyesight was getting so bad he couldn't see his shots land any more. He was so frustrated losing golf balls he was considering giving up the game. He was complaining about this to the course pro who told him, "I've got the solution. A new guy just joined the club and he's looking for someone to play with.
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A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. "Boy, I'd give anything to sink this putt," the golfer mumbles to himself.
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Ed and Nancy met while on a singles cruise. They were immediately attracted to each other, and spent all their days together sunning on the deck. When they discovered they lived in the same city, only a few miles apart, Ed was ecstatic. When they got back home, he immediately started asking her out.
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Funny jokes, the single gal in the super market had me really laughing.
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Dave and his wife are out golfing at the club one afternoon and doing quite well for 13 holes....on 14 Dave slices one way off to the right behind an old abandoned shed...they find the ball and his wife notices that there is a door on the back of the shed and a window on the front...she says to Dave [i] [b] "I'll hold the window open and you prop the door open and hit it right through...you'll save a stroke" [/b] [/i] He tries it....but...the ball sails through the door...through the window and hits his wife in the head , killing her instantly.