Sit toward the front only if you are a member of the family; close friends generally sit behind the family, while those who are co-workers or acquaintances sit further back or in the rear. Attending Funeral Services: Be respectful. Don’t chat with those around you or eat or drink anything.
Full Answer
Is there an etiquette for visitations and funerals?
While the etiquette of visitations and funerals is not simple, it can help you navigate through your grief, or it can let you help someone close to you who has lost a family member and needs to lean on your strength for support through this sad time. Death. It makes us cringe. It makes us cry.
Is it appropriate to attend a certain person’s funeral?
When a loved one is no longer with us, it is important to take the time to celebrate their life. However, there are many factors to consider when it comes to etiquette for a funeral, such as what to wear, where to sit, and whether or not it is appropriate to attend a certain person’s funeral.
What do you say at a funeral service?
Offering condolences is one of the most important parts of a funeral service. This is a chance to pay your respects and offer support in the family’s time of need. However, be aware of proper etiquette when interacting with the grieving family. Most funeral services end with a repast, or an informal gathering for guests.
How should you interact with the grieving family during a funeral?
However, be aware of proper etiquette when interacting with the grieving family. Most funeral services end with a repast, or an informal gathering for guests. This is the best time to talk to the family and express your condolences. Before the service or during the funeral procession is not the right time to interact with family or friends.
Should I go to my friend's mom's funeral?
Unless the family wants the funeral or memorial service to be private, you are welcome to attend. If you are close to the bereaved or the deceased, live close by and have no extenuating circumstances, then, by all means, go to the funeral. In fact, if you don't go, your presence may be missed.
What is the etiquette for mourning?
Sharing your good memories, anecdotes, and even compliments will help the bereaved grieve and remember fondly the person they lost. “Sorry for your loss,” “My condolences” — these are messages that you might get a lot if you've recently lost a loved one.
Who is considered immediate family at a funeral?
Immediate family, as it applies to leave taken for a funeral leave, includes an employee's spouse, the employee's and spouse's parents, children, brothers, sisters, grandparents, grandchildren, and sons- and daughters-in-law.
What gets handed out at a funeral?
Sometimes called an order of service, the funeral program is a simple brochure or pamphlet that you hand out to guests. This document outlines the process of the service (what will happen) and sometimes includes a brief overview of the life milestones and achievements of the deceased.
What do you say when someone's mom dies?
You can say:I am terribly sorry to hear about your loss and am here if you need anything.I know how hard it is to lose someone you love and I'm here for you.I was saddened to hear of your loss of your mother.My condolences for your loss.More items...
What do you bring to condolences?
Condolence Gift Etiquette 101: What to Bring to Show You CareFlowers. Flowers are the most traditional gifts for a funeral. ... A Donation. Many people choose to send a donation in lieu of a funeral gift. ... Mementos. A memento is a less common option that is still an appropriate gift for a funeral. ... A Home-Cooked Meal.
Should I speak at my mom's funeral?
Keep in mind if you're not a fan of public speaking, it's a good idea to keep your speech on the shorter side, as emotions may run high on the day of the funeral, memorial, or celebration of life service. A eulogy should start by introducing yourself and then end with final thoughts about your mom.
Who should sit in the front row at a funeral?
The general rule is the closer one sits to the coffin or the front the closer one is to the deceased. For example immediate family (such as siblings, children, etc) and very close friends will sit in the front row or two. While co-workers and general friends will sit towards the middle or back.
What is funeral etiquette for the family?
Spouse, parents, and children of the deceased will sit closest to the front. Sometimes close friends and "honorary family members" will sit with the grieving family. Other family members (siblings and their families, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc) will be the closest to the immediate family.
What is the card called that you get at a funeral?
Memorial CardsMemorial Cards Memorial cards are often used as a meaningful keepsake distributed at funeral or memorial services. They include basic information about the person who has died and you can easily slip one into a book or wallet.
How much money do you give at a funeral?
Generally, it would depend on factors like your closeness to the deceased or family, your own financial ability, and the family's perceived need. The most common minimum amount is $30. From there, you can increase the amount if you'd like, as long as the initial digits make up an odd number.
Do you bring a gift to a funeral?
Question: Should I bring a gift to the funeral? Answer: You don't have to bring a gift, and in most cases it's not expected or required. But a small, thoughtful gift is a nice gesture and probably a good idea if you're especially close to the family.
What is funeral etiquette for the family?
Spouse, parents, and children of the deceased will sit closest to the front. Sometimes close friends and "honorary family members" will sit with the grieving family. Other family members (siblings and their families, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc) will be the closest to the immediate family.
How do you address a deceased person's family?
If you knew the deceased well, but not the family, address the note to the closest relative—usually the widow, the widower, or the eldest child. You can also add “and family” if you wish: “Mrs. John Smith and Family.” If you didn't know the deceased but you know one of the relatives, write to that person.
How long should a widow wear black?
Special black caps and bonnets were worn with these ensembles. Widows were expected to wear these clothes up to four years after their loss to show their grief. Jewelry often made of dark black jet or the hair of the deceased was used. To remove the costume earlier was thought disrespectful to the deceased.
What do you get someone after a death in the family?
If you're unsure of what to bring a grieving family, here are ten ideas.Meals. ... Household Necessities. ... Groceries. ... Sympathy Cards and Flowers. ... Engravable Photo Frame. ... Care Package with Self-Care Items. ... Engravable Granite Plaque. ... Gift Card for Practical Needs or Self-Care.More items...
What is the etiquette for driving in a funeral procession?
The etiquette for driving in a funeral procession is fairly simple: follow the instructions of the funeral director (if applicable), turn on your headlights, and closely follow the vehicle ahead of you. Funeral processions generally have the right of way at intersections, and other vehicles should yield.
How to greet family at funeral home?
Greet the family either before or after you pause at the casket, depending on if the family is occupied when you arrive.
Where do you carry a casket to the funeral home?
Pallbearers usually carry (or, in the case of honorary pallbearers, accompany) the casket to the front of the church or funeral home, to the hearse, and from the hearse to the burial site.
What is a formal visitation?
A formal, scheduled visitation period may include a prayer or a brief service; it is impolite to leave in the middle of it. It is appropriate to bring along a card with a personal note and flowers or a basket garden, although flowers are not customary for all religious beliefs and ethnicities (see Funeral Customs ).
What is etiquette when taking photos?
Etiquette demands extreme respect for others; keep this tenet in mind when taking photos. Be particularly aware of what is in your background when taking photos. It is quite easy to catch a mourner in a moment that they would not like to have published.
How to avoid embarrassing questions during a funeral?
Addressing questions in advance also helps prevent spontaneous and potentially embarrassing questions during the funeral. Recognize that children, like adults, may respond to grief with humor, behavioral issues, and sleep problems. Be patient and tolerant. 3.
Is it appropriate to take photos at a graveside service?
This isn’t the place to make a flashy fashion statement or show up in gym clothes. It is not appropriate to take photos during a graveside service unless you have a legitimate reason for recording the event.
What is the etiquette of visiting and funerals?
While the etiquette of visitations and funerals is not simple, it can help you navigate through your grief, or it can let you help someone close to you who has lost a family member and needs to lean on your strength for support through this sad time. Death.
What sense do you use for a funeral?
If it’s open to the public, you’ll have to use your sixth sense (your social sense). Many times, the funeral director will step to the microphone immediately after the funeral and announce the family’s wishes for the burial and/or reception. (The reception can be held before or after the burial.)
What does a funeral mean?
For a lot of guests, the funeral marks the beginning of the end of their grief. For the loved ones of the deceased, the funeral marks, at most, the end of their shock and the beginning of their pain. We tend to feel that the grieving are fragile, and, in one sense, they are.
What to do when you have grief?
If your grief becomes severe, that’s not helping them. Retreat to a quiet spot, maybe even your car, until you’ve regained composure. If it’s just too hard on you, don’t beat yourself up. Head on home, or call Uber or a cab if you’re alone and your grief will distract you from safely driving.
Can a child attend a parent's funeral?
Usually, but not always, the child attends the funeral of a parent or sibling. It’s best to contact a child psychologist for a recommendation. Leave your cell phone in your car. Truly, that’s the best place for it during both the visitation and the funeral.
Do people have public funerals?
Some people have public funerals and then private burials. The burial is by far the most emotional part of the funeral process. In general, fewer people attend. It’s usually just relatives and those closest to the deceased. If it’s open to the public, you’ll have to use your sixth sense (your social sense).
What are the rules for funerals?
Jump ahead to these sections: 1 Etiquette for Funeral Attendance 2 Clothing and Attire Etiquette 3 Etiquette for Offering Condolences and Interacting with Grieving Family 4 Etiquette for Behavior and Mood 5 Etiquette for Funeral Gifts or Donations
Who should attend a funeral?
If you are close to the deceased, whether you’re a friend or family member, you should almost always attend the funeral. Another instance is if you’re close to the deceased’s family.
What is the most important part of a funeral?
Offering condolences is one of the most important parts of a funeral service. This is a chance to pay your respects and offer support in the family’s time of need. However, be aware of proper etiquette when interacting with the grieving family.
What happens if you don't attend a funeral?
Your attendance might upset the immediate family. Your attendance might distract the immediate family. There is a funeral etiquette for estranged family. Even if you’re unable to attend the funeral, there are other ways to offer your support or condolences.
What is the best time to talk to family and express condolences?
Most funeral services end with a repast, or an informal gathering for guests. This is the best time to talk to the family and express your condolences. Before the service or during the funeral procession is not the right time to interact with family or friends.
What to do before a funeral?
Before the service, don’t seek out the family. If they’re greeting guests, offer your consolations quickly and find your seat. Unless you’re part of the close family, don’t sit towards the front of the service. If you must arrive late to the funeral, be aware of your entrance.
How to keep children occupied during a service?
It’s understandably hard for children to sit still during a service. Plan to keep them occupied, whether they bring a book or a quiet game to play . If a small child begins to make noise or create a distraction, take them outside quickly.
Who leads the procession at a funeral?
The officiant leads the processional and is followed by pallbearers who carry the coffin. Next to walk down the aisle are the family and kin to the deceased followed by close friends who will take their seats in the first few rows, marking the start of the ceremony. A recessional marks the end of the funeral service.
Why is it important to have a funeral?
Because death is a sensitive topic that is not talked about much, one of the biggest challenges is finding a way to properly express your condolences for the grieving family in a way that is both genuine and unforced.
What is recessional funeral?
A recessional marks the end of the funeral service. Again, the officiant leads the way followed by the pallbearers who carry the coffin out. They are followed by family and friends of the deceased. Typically, one member of this group will give their thanks to the remaining guests at the ceremony.
What is a funeral service?
A funeral takes place when the deceased person’s body is present. The funeral service may either be an open or a closed casket ceremony and involves a processional and a recessional. It is an opportunity for family and close friends to take one last look at the deceased before the body is buried or cremated.
Is it ok to wear black at a funeral?
Although wearing black is not a requirement for all funerals, you should opt to wear clothing that is conservative. You’ll want to appear dignified and respectful, so stay away from bright colors and patterns which can send the wrong message to the mourning family.
Can you bring a baby to a funeral?
It is okay to bring children to a funeral if they are well-behaved, especially if they are interested in attending and were close to the deceased. Toddlers and babies should be left at home with a babysitter as they may require more of your attention, and distract you from being mentally present at the funeral.
How to avoid looking disheveled at a funeral?
Wear clean clothes, iron out wrinkles, and try to avoid looking disheveled. Be mindful, too, of any perfume or cologne you wear. Heavy scents can cause other mourners to feel dizzy or queasy as they pay their respects. Note that this guidance also applies to attending the funeral.
Why do mourners wear colors?
If the family has requested that mourners wear a particular color to honor their loved one, as is often when a young person passes away, be sure to participate with at least an accessory in the desired color. More important than color is the cleanliness and neatness of your attire.
What does it mean to attend visitation hours?
Attending visitation hours often means standing in a long line and waiting your turn to pay your respects to the deceased person and their family members. It can be a very trying day for the family, as they will be speaking to possibly hundreds of people during a very emotional time. When it’s your turn.
Can a deceased person have a different religious tradition?
It’s quite possible that the deceased shared a different religious tradition than what you practice personally. If you’re unsure and want to be prepared, ask a family member beforehand about the rituals that will be observed. The most important thing, however, is to respect the rituals that are in place.
Can you attend a funeral out of town?
If the funeral or memorial service is being held out of town or far from where you live, you’ll have to judge whether or not to attend based on your relationship to the person who died and the surviving family members, and the degree of difficulty in getting to the service.
Do you have to send out invitations to a funeral?
Historically, formal invitations are not sent out for funerals or memorial services, which can make it hard to know if you should attend or not. As a rule, if you want to attend the funeral or memorial service and the event is open to guests then you should go.
What to expect at a funeral?
When you also have to factor in complicated relationships with friends or family, it is often downright intimidating. If you’re on the fence about whether or not to attend an estranged funeral or memorial service, this guide hopefully sheds some light on the situation.
What to give to a deceased family member?
There is common gift-giving etiquette to giving condolences, especially in the case of estranged family. It’s best to keep things simple and avoid overthinking. Here are a few suggestions for appropriate gifts: 1 Flowers: The most common gift is to send flowers. When you send funeral flowers, you’re letting the recipient know you’re thinking of them. These can either be sent to the grieving family directly or to the funeral home ahead of the service. 2 Sympathy card: Another simple favor is a card. If you’re not sure what to write in a sympathy card, just focus on kindness. These small things really show you care. 3 Food: Finally, food is almost always welcome after the passing of a loved one. If you don’t feel comfortable cooking something yourself, offer a gift card to the grocery store or a favorite restaurant.
How long is a funeral?
While most funerals are at least an hour long, including the reception and visitation, this can vary based on religious and cultural customs. It’s appropriate to usually stay for the full duration of the service and to also give your condolences in-person to the close family.
What to do if you don't have a good relationship with the deceased?
If you don’t have a good relationship with the estranged family, it’s okay to keep your distance with your condolence gift. Another appropriate gift is to offer your help. If you’re close with the family of the deceased, offering your time to them can be an invaluable service.
What is the best gift to give to a funeral?
Here are a few suggestions for appropriate gifts: Flowers: The most common gift is to send flowers. When you send funeral flowers, you’re letting the recipient know you’re thinking of them. These can either be sent to the grieving family directly or to the funeral home ahead of the service.
Can you sit in the back of a funeral service?
Aside from this, the reception and visitation are usually optional. If you don’t plan to stay for the full duration of the service, make sure to sit in the back and to leave quietly when you need to. It’s important that you don’t take any attention away from the service or the grieving family.
Is it appropriate to attend a funeral?
You want to support the deceased’s loved ones. On the other hand, there are some times when it is not appropriate to attend the funeral: Your attendance will disrupt the service.
How to attend a funeral?
If you will be attending the funeral either as a member of the immediate family or as another attendee, here are some pieces of etiquette to consider: 1 Be aware of the length of the line. It’s common for people to line up during a visitation to view the body and express condolences to the family. Whether you are a member of the family or an attendee, be aware of others in the line and keep the conversation to a minimum. 2 Be aware of the tone you set at the funeral. You’ll hear laughter at a funeral. It is normal to share funny stories about the deceased when people gather together for a service. You might avoid being too loud and boisterous at a funeral, though. This might set the wrong tone for the event. 3 Don’t bring or open gifts at the service. You may want to give a sympathy gift to a member of the family. It’s best not to bring the gift to the funeral if it can be helped. If someone gives you a gift, you may consider putting it aside and opening it after the service is over.
What is a thank you note for a funeral?
A funeral thank you note is a formal way to respond to condolences. Most of the time, funeral thank you notes are sent through the mail instead of emailed or texted. Sometimes, families gather together to write the letters and other times, one person handles the task.
Why do people line up at funerals?
It’s common for people to line up during a visitation to view the body and express condolences to the family. Whether you are a member of the family or an attendee, be aware of others in the line and keep the conversation to a minimum. Be aware of the tone you set at the funeral. You’ll hear laughter at a funeral.
Can you bring a gift to a funeral?
Don’t bring or open gifts at the service. You may want to give a sympathy gift to a member of the family. It’s best not to bring the gift to the funeral if it can be helped. If someone gives you a gift, you may consider putting it aside and opening it after the service is over.
Where to sit at an ex-partner's funeral?
In general, since you are no longer part of the close family, you should sit towards the back in the friend section.
What to do if you don't go to a funeral?
What to do if you don’t go. Sometimes it’s not always welcome or possible to go to the funeral. In these cases, you should still offer your support in some way. Even if you’re no longer close with your ex’s family, your words and gestures show you’re thinking of them in your time of need.
Why should I not attend a funeral?
Here are times when you should consider not attending the funeral: If your presence will upset the family. If your presence will increase the feelings of grief. If you are no longer closer to your spouse or the family.
What is the importance of a funeral?
It’s about the family and their grief. A funeral is an opportunity to find closure and offer a final farewell to the deceased.
How to offer sympathy to family?
Always be kind in your words, and keep your interactions short and polite. When offering sympathy messages to the family, keep them brief. You aren’t expected to have anything extensive prepared. In order to keep the day respectful, avoid talking about the divorce or any ill feelings from the past.
Should I bring gifts to my ex's funeral?
It is usually appropriate to bring gifts to a funeral, even the funeral of an ex. Gifts are a way to honor the deceased and his or her family. Because your relationship to the family is less clear, don’t choose anything extravagant or unexpected. Keep it simple with one of these ideas: A sympathy card to the family.
Should I attend my ex's funeral?
In general, if you’re on good terms with your ex-spouse and ex-family, you should attend the funeral. You were a big part of your spouse’s life at one time. Even if you’ve gone separate ways, those memories and feelings are still very real. If you were on good terms, you’ll likely be welcome to any funeral events.